Tuesday, November 04, 2003
11:37 PM

okay, I had this totally amazing, stunning post. It was deep, thoughtful, articualte.. adn then the stupid computer screwed up and lost it all!!! I was soo mad! I hav e to go to bed soon, so I'll put on some Dashboard and type fast. lol.

Lately, I ahve been listening to emo adn realied that it has changed me and that I love it. Just because it made me realize I'm deeper than the average me that is sarcastic and funny. I mean, I love to laugh, buyt I laugh so much that I completely lost the sensitive side. SO... I really want to try to go back to writng poetry. Really. I used to and w/o being conceited, it was pretty good, for a little kid. So I wanna try to go back that. Becasue it might make me more deep. I want to be serious and laughable. I love that amazing feeling. Like Dashboard COnfessional. Great Emo. It's so amazingly deep I lose myself in the lyrics. Norah Jones is another amazing artist. She just pours it all out into the piano, which I could never do. I am so afraid of being rejected by people becasue I'm not used to it. I know my real friends would never ditch me but who are my real friends? I mean, I know I have a lot of great friends, but who would go and ditch me for the populars? I mean, I understand you want to ahng out with ppl that have your interests, but when they don't it drives me insane. I mean, I've had a lot of decietful friends, that I won;t go into, but you always have to wonder. I knwo the only people that are my BFFAEAEAEAE...are Briana and Veronica just becasue I have so much trust in them that they have in me and I feel bad when I lie to them so I can always ttell them stuff and they tell me. I love it. But just, there's LAuren. She's being mean and rude to be popular. I mean, I know she lost A LOT of weight, but now she's so frigging obnoxious about it. She's like lecturing me about it, and I don;t really care, okay? I'm chibby. If I wante dto excersize I would. I really wanna be more actice, so I will psuh myself to be. But shes bein so annoyign about it and she jsut always ditches us. I feel most sorry for Lindsey because unlike the rest of us, she can't ditch Lauren. It'd be like me ditching Veronica or Briana. I'd feel bad. Steph Cava also pisses me off a ton. Shes back being my friend, lol!! She pulled a Lauren, but Kelsey and Gaby, Steph, Sally, Amanda, ect.. all caught on and told her becasue they're nice and knew what she was doing, jsut a little to late.
I guess that's enough ranting for now...I'll but my lyrics to my fav song on before I go:
Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional!
Breathe in for luck,
breathe in so deep,
this air is blessed,
you share with me.
This night is wild,
so calm and dull,
these hearts they race,
from self control.
Your legs are smooth,
as they graze mine,
we're doing fine,
we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

The words are hushed lets not get busted;
just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here, from all the stupid questions.
"hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet
and the gate was locked so I jumped it,
and let you in.
And you stood at the door with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it,
that you meant it,
and I knew,
that you meant it,
that you meant it.
I long for that. It;s such a great song. Nity Night!!

Monday, November 03, 2003
8:20 PM

Let's Begin, I guess.../

well, anyway, since no-one is really on-line adn nobody is home to call or come over.. I might as well get started on my blogging of secrets.. yahp. SECRETSSSSSSS..oooooooooooooooooooo.......
umm. yeah. Today I was banned from the Degrassi site for abuse. I didn't do anything, but it happens sometimes. I hate that. Then I can't check my "d-mail". I want to becasue simplegirl4u(random degrassi person) is having some boy trouble(ditto to me) and I am supposed to help her. Funny isn't it? That I can give out dating advice thats practically perfect(knock on wood) but have never had a boyfriend/ honestly pathetic. I guess its odd. Mainly because I'm not as gutsy as my advice. Tell him. Go ahead. Yeah right. If I ever, EVER did that and he didn't like me, I'd friggin die of embarassment. ANother big mistake I made was telling V who I liked. I trust her, I mean, she tells me everything and I'll get to that stuff later. But I can't bring myself to tell her anything half of the time. I mean, I hate letting people know. The only person I tell is Briana becasue she goes to a different school and the stuff would never get out. I trust Veronica a lot because I she tells me everything, but I can't tell ehr about some "girl issue". I don;t know. I guess I am really weird. Well, anyway, I happend to have told her that I like so and so, okay, I'll be honest. Andy.. i mean,m there has to be like a thousand million andy's in the world and in NJ so nobody will really know this is me.. or will they. I don;t knwo. I am a very paraniod person. Whatever, lol. So anyways, I like him. He doesn;t like me, yet??? I dunno. I am a bad flirter... ut I can dream and maybe just maybe somebody remotely normal that showers/bathes and is somewhat intelligent(somebody with even just Paul'sm intelligence will do) will like me. But i doubt it. Whatever//

6:23 PM

Oh! Beat this girlfriends... This is my blog and its got secrets and some lies with my sarcasm and smartness most people never see.. like my John Mayer weakness, okay, A LOT of people know that, but anyways....yeah. I'm gonna go find a layout and then I'l;l get on with da good stuff abybee.... and if ya ever wanna discuss my secrets, email me, but nothing dirrtay!!
About Me
name: Annonymous writer
birthday: ?-?-1990
grade: ?
hometown: New jersey

movie: MPATHG
food: pasta
place: NYC- SoHo, Times Square, or the Villiage
animal: doggie
drink: Coke
show: Friends, CSI, Daria
color: green, pink, white

Listening To
BLink 182- Mark Tom and travis Show
Weezer- anything
random stuff-woah


Playing: Paper Heart- All American Rejects
Why THis song?: It reminds me of Gettysburg, which when I reminisce, was such a fun time.. I could actually almost cry, which i don't do often, just thinking of how much our friendships have changed since then.. in good and bad.. woah,, thats sad...
electric * tang
my blog

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